kc@bs.com

i knew from the start that my circle of friends would decrease significantly.
hell, i made it happen because i didn't want to hold on to things that i knew wouldn't last.
what i didn't know was that my circle would be non-existent today.
i held on to those friendships as hard as i hold on to my dear life.
i guess it wasn't enough, or
it was bound to happen.
now that i find myself needing someone to be there for me
there's nobody there.

tell me, do you want it? are you willing to be invested into this? fucking think about it cause it's driving me nuts. i want to lash out. i fucking hate this week.

everyone says it, and everyone hates hearing it.. but there's honestly so much more to life than just smoking, drinking, and fucking around with drugs. i'm not one of those who doesn't smoke, drink, or fucks around with drugs; i do all of those things. but there's comes a point where you have to balance out fucking around and focusing in school or your career. you shouldn't sell yourself short, you shouldn't have to conform to those you hang around, and you shouldn't consider fucking around a full-time job.

i feel like we're on two different pages here. i don't even know what i want or what to expect to be honest. i know we're just going with the flow but there comes a point where we should know where we stand with each other. i know we're nothing, but there's something being unsaid.

just a few days ago i spent a night with you & also spent a whole day with you for the first time. ever since friday & saturday i caught myself distracted. it was a different kind of distracted. a kind of distracted that i've never come across by, ever. then i realize.. i'm at that point where i realize my feelings for you are real.

i have major assignments coming up and all i can think about is you. i'm at church and all i can think about is you. i'm commuting and all i can think about is you. right before i head to bed? yup.. all i can think about is you.. you got me trying for the first time. i'm trying to get along with your friends. i'm trying to get along with your siblings. i'm actually trying to show you that i like you. it's odd for me, but i like it.